Insult Dismemberment

I remember, at some point last year after I met Susan, I came to school wearing my orange pants (as I often do). I was standing outside Ms. Hsu’s classroom with Susan, waiting to be let in, and we were talking about–something, I don’t know. This one eighth-grader who was in my Algebra class, henceforth referred to as K, suddenly said to me, “Why are you wearing orange pants? Who wears orange pants?”

“Um…I do?” I replied. He looked bemused for a few moments, then said, fairly quietly, “Well, of course you would, Constance, because…you’re weird…” And I swear I could hear him thinking, Damn you, you ruined my insult.

K has not been the only person to do this. The other day in Core, the person next to me, henceforth referred to as M, said, “Only nerds like to read.”

“And?” I said.

“And…you like to read.”

“So?”

“So…you’re a nerd.”

“And?”

“You’re…a nerd?”

“Was that supposed to be an insult?”

M, who was beginning to look very uncomfortable, muttered “No, no” very quickly and returned to what he was doing.

I love ruining people’s insults. It’s so satisfying.

Tags: awesome, insult dismemberment, maniacal laugh, nonsense, school

Can Idiots Be Smart?

No one seems to read this anymore. Thusly, I can address my mental goings-on without fear of…something.

I’m going to explain part of something very complicated. I have this little version of myself in my head which is sort of me how I’d like to be. And I wander around through various worlds from books and movies and my own demented thinking. Generally I single out a few characters and stalk them, at least in the beginning. This would explain by Beatles issues to some extent.

Anyway, the other me likes to bug people. One person in particular. So much that I climb in his window at five in the morning just because it bothers him. And I make fun of him a lot, because I know he won’t hit me. (This isn’t because I have control over what he does in my head. I like to stay true to character.) And no, it’s not Paul. That’s a whole ‘nother…thing that’s whole.

Ahem. Anyway, just because I enjoy bugging people doesn’t mean I don’t like them. What I want to know is, can an idiot not be stupid? This question has been presented to me in various situations by a certain talking dog. I’ve stopped making assorted comments because of it. So…answers?

Also, my sanity is severely disrupted by the nosreps. “Nosrep” is “person” backwards. They’re exact opposites of existing people, and a plot device that I made up because I was running out of ideas for ways to—never mind. Well, they aren’t exact opposites in all ways, just in most aspects of personality. Most people never meet theirs, which is good, because it could start a huge war. You should have seen—never mind. But they’ve kind of taken on a life of their own. I reconciled with my nosrep, Ecnatsnoc, a while ago, and we met in an alley while she was hunting a nosrep called Tsiom. Um. So you can see my problem.

I forgot what I was talking about. Sorry.

Tags: Beatles, bizarre, Discworld, nonsense, nosreps, revelation

Beatles and Fish!

What do fish have to do with anything? I don’t know; I only know that they’ve shown up in most of my dreams about the Beatles. Except the ones with the spaceships and the intestines…but never mind. The point is, obviously the Beatles and fish have some kind of deep subconscious relationship.

Or maybe I’m just crazy.

The first dream, which I have never told the full details of, started with me swimming in this awesome lake. Then these people came out into the water holding what were probably blocks of wood covered in fish, and scraped the fish into the water. The fish then came to life. I continued swimming in this disturbing situation for a while, and don’t remember stopping.

Later, I was in some kind of mall with someone who was my dad and yet wasn’t, and–you guessed it–the Beatles! From Yellow Submarine, of course. And for some reason they were all really tall. Anyway, then there was the elevator bit. This was when, as far as I can remember, the Beatles were in an elevator, and Ringo came up with the idea of standing on top to get to the next floor sooner. He was the only one who did this. After the elevator stopped we had to go pull him out. The other Beatles came out of the elevator first, of course. And they were singing something.

The thing I can’t stand is that I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE SINGING! Damn. And then I woke up with “Nowhere Man” stuck in my head, and no, that wasn’t it.

And so that I can shut up and talk about something else, enjoy this:

It’s the evil volcanic toilet! Dun-dun-dun.

Tags: awesome, Beatles, bizarre, elevators, FAIL, Failblog, fish, nonsense

The World is What?

I first heard Rubber Soul when I was about six. That album has always been one of my favorites, which I think has something to do with the sound of something, some element in there, but I don’t know what. However, for years after I first heard it, I would often wonder what the heck “The Word” was supposed to be about. This is because, well, I had no clue what the words really were.

You are all familiar with the actual lyrics, yes? Well, this is what I was hearing:

Save the world and you’ll be free
Save the world and be like me
Save the world and think it out
Have you heard the world is love?
It’s so fine
It’s sunshine
It’s the world love

I know what you’re all thinking: “What the hell?” And that’s what I was thinking, but keep in mind I was six. I assumed that “the world is love” must mean something important to be in a song. Here’s the sad part: I went around with this misconception for several years. Recently I got back into the Beatles; then, and only then, did I realize what the real words were.

Which makes “the world is love” even weirder, in my opinion.

Tags: Beatles, errors, FAIL, lame, music, nonsense, revelation, stupid, the world

Wings

I have “Band On The Run” stuck in my head because absolutely everything gets a song stuck in my head. Example: Two days ago my Core teacher was talking about taking the easy way out on the writing assessment. What do I hear? “Got a good reason for taking the easy way out…” Damn.

But this is why I have “Band On The Run” stuck in my head:

Last night, I’m eating at La Pinata with my family (of course) and my dad says something about making mistakes or “your first mistake” or something like that. I think nothing of it, but then I hear, “That was your first mistake…” So I’m sitting there hearing this, and I think, “What song is that from? No, no, no…What the heck? That’s not a Beatles song!”

Then I remember, wait, that’s from a Wings song, so I frantically scroll through them in my head. Unfortunately, I don’t know all the Wings songs on the one album we have (some weird “Hits and History” thing), so I’m stuck. I have that one line in my head all night.

This morning, driven by that single phrase, I was forced to listen to the entire Wings album (both disks) until I finally found “Too Many People”, which is actually pretty good. In the process, I rediscover “Band On The Run”, which sounds like it was written by an escaped lunatic (sorta), but is funny and I like it.

So at least I know what I’m putting on my iPod when I get it back.

Tags: awesome, Band On The Run, Beatles, La Pinata, nonsense, Paul McCartney, Wings

You Better Not Laugh

You probably already know, looking at my previous Beatles posts. If not…my mom will tell you. I’m not saying.

Anyway–

Something seems to be keeping me from listening to Wings. I don’t get it; it’s like it’s hurting me or something. I just can’t. And I think I know why:

Listening to these songs now, knowing it’s not the Beatles, forces me to admit to myself that I have this thing…

Yeah.

I used to have a crush on Ringo when I was, what, five? I remember asking my mom which of the Beatles were still alive, and when she told me I said “Good.” I wonder if she knew then? She does now.

And now it’s the other one. Although I guess it makes more sense that way. It would disturb me if it was a dead person.

And a funny thing:

I was thinking about something, I don’t remember what, and I came up with this: “We’re better than them because we don’t think we’re better than them.” And I though it made so much sense. And then I went over it again, and I thought, “We’re better than them because we don’t think we’re better than–wait, what?” Because it just doesn’t work. But it’s funny.

Tags: Beatles, crushes, nonsense, Paul McCartney, Wings