Postcards from Home, Part 1

The other day I was going through some overstuffed drawers of mine–that is, getting rid of all the crap–and I found a journal-type thing from my two one-week stays at the Girl Scout Camp Lakota. My journal entries were kind of, um…half-assed and stupid, but the postcards my parents pre-wrote that were given to me throughout those weeks are very amusing. Therefore, I will reproduce the text here. The signatures are omitted.

Monday
[front shows some weird modern art type thing with heads...and hands...and a parrot...and some guy with a top hat]
“Constance,
We hope this note finds you in great comfort. Please read it with an accent.
‘IT’”

Tuesday
I’m going to skip this one because it was less amusing than the others.

Wednesday
[front shows an Edward Gorey (probably) drawing of someone, possibly a nun (?),  sitting on a pole somewhere in the ocean or a bay or something wet]
Front of postcard:
“I’m sending you this card today
Because I’ve nothing else to say.”
Back of postcard:
“Dear Constance,
I’m (we’re) sure you have lots to say, because I (we) know you’ve been busy and you’re having lots of fun.
I (we) can’t wait to hear about all your adventures.
You’ll have to tell me (us) all about it when you (they) get home.”

Thursday
[front shows a capital A, lowercase a and capital B with arms and legs dancing or jumping or something, with a cat sitting in a cupboard]
Front of postcard:
“Great A, little a,
Bouncing B;
The cat’s in the cupboard,
And she can’t see.”
Back of postcard:
“Today, Tinka masters the alphabet. Tomorrow, the World!
___________
Constance,
We’re having a fine time running and hiding from the cats. Thinking of you, [signatures]“

Friday
[front shows a reproduction of a "Sierra Sue" poster]
“Howdy, Pardner!
How are you enjoying the view from the top of a horse?
Too bad we can’t fit one in our apartment. Spike [our dog] is as close as we get.”

I’m going to save the rest of the postcards for another day, but there’s lots of other amusing stuff in here. For example, at one point we were all given a booklet of blank pages with headings at the top, and filled them in during a lecture. Being lazy, I only did the drawing parts, which were taped into the journal. Of course, so were the headings of the other three empty pages, resulting in this:

“Horse Safety

Brushing My Horse
Constance did learn about these things, but was too lame to write any of it down.
-Mommy

My Camp Lakota Memories
^Also failed to fill out this page.“

Stay tuned for more random crap out of the madness that passes for sanity in my family!

Oh, and it’s my birthday by the way. So yeah.

Tags: awesome, bizarre, crap, I wrote it!, the joys of camp

I liiiive!

…Probably.

I have recently completed many tasks on my warped mental To Do list, which is my terrible excuse for the recent lack of posts. Let’s review, shall we?

Brainwash Susan with the Beatles ?
Finally finish the third chapter of my book ?
Go to the library ?
Survive the first week of school ?
Finally buy A Hard Day’s Night (squee) ?

Aaaand here’s what I still have to do.

Remember to watch Yellow Submarine, dammit
Forget I ever watched Across the Universe
Talk to my dad about a schedule for guitar lessons
Think of a title for my book
Learn to draw a decent picture of a dragon-gryphon hybrid (long story)

I really don’t have anything else interesting to say, so in closing, here’s a funny picture.

Thank you.

Tags: Beatles, crap, FAIL, list, total waste of time

Great…

My dad has disowned me.

Because I decided not to go to the store with him, he gave me this big speech about how I don’t care about anyone else and I’m a selfish, horrible person and he wants nothing to do with me. So now apparently:

A) I don’t get an allowance anymore.

B) I have to buy my own food, do my own laundry, etc, etc.

C) I am no longer “part of this family” and now I’m their tenant for the next five years instead.

Yeah, he gave me the “part of this family” speech too. It’s sort of his trademark. See, if I don’t hang up my towel or forget to empty the dishwasher or don’t set the table one time, he tells me that I need to start acting like I’m “part of this family”  and be a mindless slave child who never questions anything I’m told to do. He also does this if I ask him why I have to do something. Usually this is combined with the “you’re a horrible selfish brat and by doing __________ you’re saying you hate everyone” thing.

Then he gets mad at me when I say similar things to him. He says something about how I should be nice and polite and not yell at people over nothing.

Hey dad, maybe I’d do that if I’d ever had a decent role model, hmm?

I know, I know, it’s not all his fault, but come on. He’s not exactly setting a great example, is he? I have the right to give as good as I get.

So, since I’m apparently a tenant now, anyone want to offer me better housing? This arrangement isn’t working out so well.

Tags: crap, jerk dad, stupid, suckish

Music

This music thing is getting way out of hand. By the way, did you know I’m a crappy songwriter? I’ll show you.

Going In Circles

Sitting on the porch playing “Here Comes The Sun”
The battle’s lost and I’ve barely begun
‘Cause I’ll never be what you said I’d become
To you.

When I got to the bottom I went back to the top of the slide
You were still there, waiting to go for a ride
I won’t go in circles for you anymore.

I never thought it would come to this
But even though you will be missed
I just can’t go in circles for you anymore.

I kept on listening to your every demand
You thought you had me in the palm of your hand
Well now it’s time that I take a stand
For you.

I’ll never do anything again
For you.

I’ll never do anything again
For you.

I can’t believe it’s not sh*t!

I have another one too, but it’s more of a poem. I’ve sort of got a tune for “Going In Circles” but it might already be taken by a real song. Opinions?

Tags: crap, I wrote it!, music, stupid, suckish