Beatles Obsession

Exaggeration.

So I’m finally getting back to my standard Beatles-related things. Today I shall address my limited experience of the Beatles as a little kid.

First, Yellow Submarine. No clue how many times I watched it back then, but certain bits of it always stayed with me. I never forgot the Blue Meanies or the Glove, obviously, but there’s more. I retained some of the strangest things, too, like the “Nowhere Man” sequence and the part toward the end: “Arise, arise, arouse, a rose!…a rosy nose?” And “All Together Now”. Not surprisingly, I had vague memories of all the songs apart from “It’s All Too Much”. By the way, there are some weird lyrics in that. For example:

Show me that I’m everywhere, and get me home for tea

Then there’s Rubber Soul. I first heard that when I was I don’t know how old, and I fell in love with the CD. I never even knew it was by the Beatles. You already know about that “the world is love” thing, which is very entertaining now, but I had other odd experiences as well. At one point I was singing “Girl” under my breath (as I often do) as we were leaving for somewhere, and my parents thought it was really funny.

This would not be complete without mentioning Abbey Road, which you should not put in the CD player if you’re going to hit “shuffle”. I think we had it on tape when I was in…first grade? I remember listening to it in the car and my favorite song being “Oh! Darling”. I didn’t know the name, so it was simply “Song Number Four”. “Can we listen to Song Number Four, Mommy?” “Mommy, I want to hear Song Number Four.” “Skip to Song Number Four, please.” And I also enjoyed (and knew the name of) “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”.

A strange thing happened when I slowly but surely got back into the Beatles in October. For years I’d had scraps of random songs floating around my head, having no idea what they were from. One day, I come home from school and, wanting a change, play 1.

BAM. Recollection. So awesome.

This is gonna be a realllllly long post.

I blame my Beatles obsession partly on Peyton and partly on my Spelling textbook. It’s Peyton’s fault because, on the way home from school, I mentioned I had a Beatles song stuck in my head. She said she did, too, and started singing “Help!” very quietly, skipping a line at the beginning. To my surprise, I remembered most of the song. At home, I pulled out the Help! CD and listened to it all the way through. Now my obsession was spread over two albums. What really turned me into a fully-fledged Beatles fan was reading one day, in my Spelling book, something about “Love Me Do”. I then realized I knew four of the lines to the song (which are actually almost all of it). Thusly I became the psycho you see today.

Tags: awesome, Beatles, memories

Spam Fall Down, Go BOOM.

Just because I said I’d stop with the random posts doesn’t mean I can’t do this.

I have been getting a LOT of spam lately. They’re really stupid, too. On that one post about the argument with my dad, I got a spam comment that said this:

Pretty nice post. I just came by your site and wanted to say
that I have really enjoyed browsing your posts. In any case
I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon!

Er. I repeat: This was a post about my dad. Being mad at me. And telling me I had to buy my own food. “Pretty nice post”, huh?

Yeah. Therefore I have installed the SPAM-Be-Gone™! This odd-looking computer-art cannon in the sidebar will eliminate all spam from my site.

Well, probably not. But it’ll be cool.

Tags: madness, spam, SPAM-Be-Gone

And to elaborate…

Sam Vimes: awesomer than you.

Don’t worry, this is probably the last of these. Also, the only reason it’s probably always going to be Vimes is that there never seems to be anything about Moist.

Tags: Awesomer than you, Discworld, Terry Pratchett

Our logic system has failed.

This post is designed to prove that Dora the Explorer not only lives in a magical world of boot-wearing monkeys, purple Spanish-speaking squirrels, and as of today, randomly appearing holes, but also can defy logic.

Exhibit A: The counting. Even when told she has to count all the holes in a piece of cheese before a mouse eats it if she wants to cross a bridge, she first asks us for help. Then she counts very slowly so we don’t lose our place. And the mouse waits until she’s done to eat the cheese!

Exhibit B: The waterfall in the middle of the ocean. This one comes from Dora’s Pirate Adventure. They have to avoid going over “the Waterfall!” while in the middle of the ocean. How does that work, exactly? Hmm?

Exhibit C: Potato Benny. I didn’t actually see this one, but apparently there’s an episode where Benny the bull gets some kind of wish…and accidentally turns himself into a potato.
Why?

Exhibit D: Did I mention the randomly appearing holes? This particular episode seems to center on the fact that there are strange, perfectly round holes in everyone’s stuff for some reason. There are so many things wrong with this that I can’t nitpick it.

Also, Dora and friends are an entire regiment/ship of Captain Obviouses (Obvii?). Observe:

Exhibit A: The parrot in the Pirate Adventure says “If you get lost in the Foggy Fog, it’s really hard to see.” To which everyone on the boat replies, in an astounded tone, “Really hard to see?” And somehow I don’t think they’re being snarky. 7-year-old TV shows don’t get snarky. (However, 7-year-olds do.) The parrot also gives them the valuable advice not to crash into rocks or fall over the logic-defying waterfall (see above).

Exhibit B: This was intended for effect…probably. Also in the Pirate Adventure, the captain of the pirate pigs (why?) states, upon meeting them, “I’m the pirate pig!” no less than three times. Upon which the following conversation ensues: “Who’s that?” “I think he’s the pirate pig.”

Exhibit C: Dora’s Pirate Adventure is getting a lot of excercise today. Okay, while trying to avoid the illogical waterfall (possibly because they will then disappear or turn into something totally bizarre), the iguana who is at the wheel breaks it off while trying to turn it. Then she doesn’t try to fix it, but holds it up in the air and shouts “Dora, the wheel broke!” [headdesk]

Obviously these are only a few examples. However, these exhibits have proven one of two things. Either a) the creators of Dora the Explorer are insane, or the far more likely explanation that b) they’re just on acid. You decide.

Tags: Dora, Kill Your TV, logic-defying, TV

This pointless post brought to you by…

Thank you.

Now read the Discworld books, because otherwise this post is utterly pointless.

Tags: Discworld, pointless, Terry Pratchett

“I think this conversation has somehow got away from me.”

I am currently writing two books. One of them is set in the world of Vandermeer, where there are nontups.

I am here to say that the Vandermeer book is not based on my reading of Terry Pratchett at all. No, really. My sense of humor was always like that. Well, okay, maybe a little. I did stick Damp in there. But at least I didn’t create the city of Parody. And it’s not like I’m going to write more Vandermeer books–oh, wait, yes I am. Hmm.
Well, at leadt mine aren’t supposed to be adult books. No deluded teenager will ever read many, many Vandermeer books and then, while obsessively Wikipedia-ing one day, come across this nugget of information and shout, “ADULT books?! Really?!” thereby scaring the cat. And also disturbing themselves with their mental issues.
Or maybe that’s just me.

I plan to add this as an author’s note at the end of the book. Because I’m stupid like that.

Tags: Terry Pratchett, Vandermeer

“I think it is because my sanity is slipping away.”

Terry Pratchett is awesome.

About the last post: Yeah. Sorry. I overreact sometimes. It’s…yeah.

And I had a really weird dream last night. It’s the second dream I’ve had recently involving some weird kid who is nicknamed Kokopelli. First, look at this picture.

Now, listen carefully. This Kokopelli person did not have a flute or instrument of any kind, and obviously he was wearing clothes. BUT:

1. His skin was black. Actually black.

2. He didn’t have a face, but he could talk. Kinda creepy now that I think about it.

3. He had these weird frozen spikes on his head. They looked like hair, but frozen. In spikes.

And he needed to tell me something secret and really important, but he couldn’t because every time he tried to talk to me, all my other friends showed up. There was also something where we would draw pictures in the air with our fingers and they became real. I drew Lysander–

Cool!

–but then I erased him because he was so annoying.

Hey!

Yeah, there’s something seriously wrong here.

Tags: bizarre, Dreams, invisible, madness

Great…

My dad has disowned me.

Because I decided not to go to the store with him, he gave me this big speech about how I don’t care about anyone else and I’m a selfish, horrible person and he wants nothing to do with me. So now apparently:

A) I don’t get an allowance anymore.

B) I have to buy my own food, do my own laundry, etc, etc.

C) I am no longer “part of this family” and now I’m their tenant for the next five years instead.

Yeah, he gave me the “part of this family” speech too. It’s sort of his trademark. See, if I don’t hang up my towel or forget to empty the dishwasher or don’t set the table one time, he tells me that I need to start acting like I’m “part of this family”  and be a mindless slave child who never questions anything I’m told to do. He also does this if I ask him why I have to do something. Usually this is combined with the “you’re a horrible selfish brat and by doing __________ you’re saying you hate everyone” thing.

Then he gets mad at me when I say similar things to him. He says something about how I should be nice and polite and not yell at people over nothing.

Hey dad, maybe I’d do that if I’d ever had a decent role model, hmm?

I know, I know, it’s not all his fault, but come on. He’s not exactly setting a great example, is he? I have the right to give as good as I get.

So, since I’m apparently a tenant now, anyone want to offer me better housing? This arrangement isn’t working out so well.

Tags: crap, jerk dad, stupid, suckish

Lastday: 2:47 PM

Logan’s Run is awesome.

My ears are being destroyed by the screeching noises of my friend Susan. Now I’m going to make her write something.

My rat is trying to eat my toe? Um… Q!!!

Riiiiiiiiight.

Sooo. School is over. Awesomous. Also, tomorrow’s my birthday. Yay.

And…yeah.

Of all the random things I could say right now, I really can’t think of anything… Cherry pie! Ok, but that’s not so random, because you knew I was going to say something random, so you knew something was coming, which automatically makes it nonrandom, thus destroying every single thing I was trying to accomplish in the first place.

…pie rox.

I have awesome friends. Well, except for Lysander.

Hey!

And that’s it.

Tags: awesome, imaginary friends, school

Fear My Poems!

So. Last night, with a friend at my house, I wrote lots of poems which are apparently good. I don’t believe you, Susan. But I’m going to assault your eyes with them now, so…here goes.

Fall Apart
Falling apart on the inside
It feels true
I can’t control my thoughts
Spiraling away from me
Streams of unthinkable things
Death
Blood
Pain
They haunt me
They taunt me
They help me fall asleep at night
They torture me
I ask
Why
Do I have to feel these things?
I am f
              a
                    l
                       l
                          i
                             n
                                g
Into the things
That you only meet in nightmares
And I don’t understand
Why

Meaningless
The truth is a lie
And
The lie is a truth
Lies and truths
Definitions are so simple
Words on a page
But much more complex
In reality
They surface again
They are real
And they mean everything
And nothing

The Blue Rock Near The Porch
The blue rock
Near the porch
Has a key in it
I stare at it
Thinking
Deciding
My key is gone
Lost
Missing
But if I take this one
Then when they bring back Ginger
She can’t get in
And I can’t save her
Because they said
That if she couldn’t get in
They would take her away again
And that can’t happen

The blue rock
Near the porch
Has a key in it
They will bring her back soon
She can get in
She will be safe

I don’t know yet who Ginger is. What I do know is that someone took her away from her family, and there’s a key in the blue rock near the porch. I don’t know.

Tags: Ginger, I wrote it!