How does my brother watch these TV shows?
Hannah Montana, for instance. It’s billed as a show about the adventures of a rock star who lives a double life as a normal girl. This could be pretty good if it were true to description. I see the story of a crappy singer whose only good idea, ever, is to hide her real identity. Anyone else?
Spongebob, of course, is a cartoon and thusly inherently evil, but still. Annoying idiots running around doing stupid and occasionally mildly entertaining things. Yeah, I’ll have to agree with Squidward on this one. He’s still a mediocre musician, though.
And then there’s that Back At The Barnyard show. Seriously, guys. Who thought it was a good idea to make a TV show out of what may well have been a perfectly good movie? (Though I highly doubt that. Nickelodeon movies are devolving.)
And yes, this is a bit ranty. But I hate most TV shows anyway, so I will rant about them all I want. Sorry.
On a mostly unrelated note, has anyone seen Across The Universe? The movie which is mostly made up of oddly redone Beatles songs? I swear, some of those actors should be arrested for music terrorism. Just…yeah. But I was entertained by the girl singing “I Want To Hold Your Hand”.
I’m feeling uncharitable toward TV today, in case you couldn’t tell.
Tags: bad mood, Beatles, Kill Your TV, ranty
This post is designed to prove that Dora the Explorer not only lives in a magical world of boot-wearing monkeys, purple Spanish-speaking squirrels, and as of today, randomly appearing holes, but also can defy logic.
Exhibit A: The counting. Even when told she has to count all the holes in a piece of cheese before a mouse eats it if she wants to cross a bridge, she first asks us for help. Then she counts very slowly so we don’t lose our place. And the mouse waits until she’s done to eat the cheese!
Exhibit B: The waterfall in the middle of the ocean. This one comes from Dora’s Pirate Adventure. They have to avoid going over “the Waterfall!” while in the middle of the ocean. How does that work, exactly? Hmm?
Exhibit C: Potato Benny. I didn’t actually see this one, but apparently there’s an episode where Benny the bull gets some kind of wish…and accidentally turns himself into a potato.
Why?
Exhibit D: Did I mention the randomly appearing holes? This particular episode seems to center on the fact that there are strange, perfectly round holes in everyone’s stuff for some reason. There are so many things wrong with this that I can’t nitpick it.
Also, Dora and friends are an entire regiment/ship of Captain Obviouses (Obvii?). Observe:
Exhibit A: The parrot in the Pirate Adventure says “If you get lost in the Foggy Fog, it’s really hard to see.” To which everyone on the boat replies, in an astounded tone, “Really hard to see?” And somehow I don’t think they’re being snarky. 7-year-old TV shows don’t get snarky. (However, 7-year-olds do.) The parrot also gives them the valuable advice not to crash into rocks or fall over the logic-defying waterfall (see above).
Exhibit B: This was intended for effect…probably. Also in the Pirate Adventure, the captain of the pirate pigs (why?) states, upon meeting them, “I’m the pirate pig!” no less than three times. Upon which the following conversation ensues: “Who’s that?” “I think he’s the pirate pig.”
Exhibit C: Dora’s Pirate Adventure is getting a lot of excercise today. Okay, while trying to avoid the illogical waterfall (possibly because they will then disappear or turn into something totally bizarre), the iguana who is at the wheel breaks it off while trying to turn it. Then she doesn’t try to fix it, but holds it up in the air and shouts “Dora, the wheel broke!” [headdesk]
Obviously these are only a few examples. However, these exhibits have proven one of two things. Either a) the creators of Dora the Explorer are insane, or the far more likely explanation that b) they’re just on acid. You decide.
Tags: Dora, Kill Your TV, logic-defying, TV
