Can Idiots Be Smart?

No one seems to read this anymore. Thusly, I can address my mental goings-on without fear of…something.

I’m going to explain part of something very complicated. I have this little version of myself in my head which is sort of me how I’d like to be. And I wander around through various worlds from books and movies and my own demented thinking. Generally I single out a few characters and stalk them, at least in the beginning. This would explain by Beatles issues to some extent.

Anyway, the other me likes to bug people. One person in particular. So much that I climb in his window at five in the morning just because it bothers him. And I make fun of him a lot, because I know he won’t hit me. (This isn’t because I have control over what he does in my head. I like to stay true to character.) And no, it’s not Paul. That’s a whole ‘nother…thing that’s whole.

Ahem. Anyway, just because I enjoy bugging people doesn’t mean I don’t like them. What I want to know is, can an idiot not be stupid? This question has been presented to me in various situations by a certain talking dog. I’ve stopped making assorted comments because of it. So…answers?

Also, my sanity is severely disrupted by the nosreps. “Nosrep” is “person” backwards. They’re exact opposites of existing people, and a plot device that I made up because I was running out of ideas for ways to—never mind. Well, they aren’t exact opposites in all ways, just in most aspects of personality. Most people never meet theirs, which is good, because it could start a huge war. You should have seen—never mind. But they’ve kind of taken on a life of their own. I reconciled with my nosrep, Ecnatsnoc, a while ago, and we met in an alley while she was hunting a nosrep called Tsiom. Um. So you can see my problem.

I forgot what I was talking about. Sorry.

Tags: Beatles, bizarre, Discworld, nonsense, nosreps, revelation

Beatles Obsession

Exaggeration.

So I’m finally getting back to my standard Beatles-related things. Today I shall address my limited experience of the Beatles as a little kid.

First, Yellow Submarine. No clue how many times I watched it back then, but certain bits of it always stayed with me. I never forgot the Blue Meanies or the Glove, obviously, but there’s more. I retained some of the strangest things, too, like the “Nowhere Man” sequence and the part toward the end: “Arise, arise, arouse, a rose!…a rosy nose?” And “All Together Now”. Not surprisingly, I had vague memories of all the songs apart from “It’s All Too Much”. By the way, there are some weird lyrics in that. For example:

Show me that I’m everywhere, and get me home for tea

Then there’s Rubber Soul. I first heard that when I was I don’t know how old, and I fell in love with the CD. I never even knew it was by the Beatles. You already know about that “the world is love” thing, which is very entertaining now, but I had other odd experiences as well. At one point I was singing “Girl” under my breath (as I often do) as we were leaving for somewhere, and my parents thought it was really funny.

This would not be complete without mentioning Abbey Road, which you should not put in the CD player if you’re going to hit “shuffle”. I think we had it on tape when I was in…first grade? I remember listening to it in the car and my favorite song being “Oh! Darling”. I didn’t know the name, so it was simply “Song Number Four”. “Can we listen to Song Number Four, Mommy?” “Mommy, I want to hear Song Number Four.” “Skip to Song Number Four, please.” And I also enjoyed (and knew the name of) “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”.

A strange thing happened when I slowly but surely got back into the Beatles in October. For years I’d had scraps of random songs floating around my head, having no idea what they were from. One day, I come home from school and, wanting a change, play 1.

BAM. Recollection. So awesome.

This is gonna be a realllllly long post.

I blame my Beatles obsession partly on Peyton and partly on my Spelling textbook. It’s Peyton’s fault because, on the way home from school, I mentioned I had a Beatles song stuck in my head. She said she did, too, and started singing “Help!” very quietly, skipping a line at the beginning. To my surprise, I remembered most of the song. At home, I pulled out the Help! CD and listened to it all the way through. Now my obsession was spread over two albums. What really turned me into a fully-fledged Beatles fan was reading one day, in my Spelling book, something about “Love Me Do”. I then realized I knew four of the lines to the song (which are actually almost all of it). Thusly I became the psycho you see today.

Tags: awesome, Beatles, memories

Spam Fall Down, Go BOOM.

Just because I said I’d stop with the random posts doesn’t mean I can’t do this.

I have been getting a LOT of spam lately. They’re really stupid, too. On that one post about the argument with my dad, I got a spam comment that said this:

Pretty nice post. I just came by your site and wanted to say
that I have really enjoyed browsing your posts. In any case
I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon!

Er. I repeat: This was a post about my dad. Being mad at me. And telling me I had to buy my own food. “Pretty nice post”, huh?

Yeah. Therefore I have installed the SPAM-Be-Gone™! This odd-looking computer-art cannon in the sidebar will eliminate all spam from my site.

Well, probably not. But it’ll be cool.

Tags: madness, spam, SPAM-Be-Gone

And to elaborate…

Sam Vimes: awesomer than you.

Don’t worry, this is probably the last of these. Also, the only reason it’s probably always going to be Vimes is that there never seems to be anything about Moist.

Tags: Awesomer than you, Discworld, Terry Pratchett

Our logic system has failed.

This post is designed to prove that Dora the Explorer not only lives in a magical world of boot-wearing monkeys, purple Spanish-speaking squirrels, and as of today, randomly appearing holes, but also can defy logic.

Exhibit A: The counting. Even when told she has to count all the holes in a piece of cheese before a mouse eats it if she wants to cross a bridge, she first asks us for help. Then she counts very slowly so we don’t lose our place. And the mouse waits until she’s done to eat the cheese!

Exhibit B: The waterfall in the middle of the ocean. This one comes from Dora’s Pirate Adventure. They have to avoid going over “the Waterfall!” while in the middle of the ocean. How does that work, exactly? Hmm?

Exhibit C: Potato Benny. I didn’t actually see this one, but apparently there’s an episode where Benny the bull gets some kind of wish…and accidentally turns himself into a potato.
Why?

Exhibit D: Did I mention the randomly appearing holes? This particular episode seems to center on the fact that there are strange, perfectly round holes in everyone’s stuff for some reason. There are so many things wrong with this that I can’t nitpick it.

Also, Dora and friends are an entire regiment/ship of Captain Obviouses (Obvii?). Observe:

Exhibit A: The parrot in the Pirate Adventure says “If you get lost in the Foggy Fog, it’s really hard to see.” To which everyone on the boat replies, in an astounded tone, “Really hard to see?” And somehow I don’t think they’re being snarky. 7-year-old TV shows don’t get snarky. (However, 7-year-olds do.) The parrot also gives them the valuable advice not to crash into rocks or fall over the logic-defying waterfall (see above).

Exhibit B: This was intended for effect…probably. Also in the Pirate Adventure, the captain of the pirate pigs (why?) states, upon meeting them, “I’m the pirate pig!” no less than three times. Upon which the following conversation ensues: “Who’s that?” “I think he’s the pirate pig.”

Exhibit C: Dora’s Pirate Adventure is getting a lot of excercise today. Okay, while trying to avoid the illogical waterfall (possibly because they will then disappear or turn into something totally bizarre), the iguana who is at the wheel breaks it off while trying to turn it. Then she doesn’t try to fix it, but holds it up in the air and shouts “Dora, the wheel broke!” [headdesk]

Obviously these are only a few examples. However, these exhibits have proven one of two things. Either a) the creators of Dora the Explorer are insane, or the far more likely explanation that b) they’re just on acid. You decide.

Tags: Dora, Kill Your TV, logic-defying, TV